i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In America we eat man semen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize