dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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