On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to make a zoo with you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
