I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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