Please, let me fuck your mom
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
