Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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