5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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