I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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