she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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