I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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