The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
