Can i not drive my cunt home
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
