better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize