Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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