Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
