So drunk its hurt
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
