he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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