Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
