Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there is glitter all over my balls
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