Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize