I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
