I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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