Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
