and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
