I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just google imaged poop.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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