even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize