Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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