Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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