you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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