Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
