the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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