3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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