I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
