I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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