??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
