she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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