so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
