But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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