in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
