I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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