Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
