No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
