I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
