So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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