first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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