I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she told me i tasted like america
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
