Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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