I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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