I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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