Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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