your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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