I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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