At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
