Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
