i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
