Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize