the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
