Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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