I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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