College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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