you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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