Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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