So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
