That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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