I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
