Kiss
Puke
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
