Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
