and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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