we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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