The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
