drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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