i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
