ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize