so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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