I just made out with a guy for $7.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
