i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
