Your face is a jimmy john
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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