He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
