I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
