That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
